So, we find out we are pregnant. This time feels better than the miscarriage time, more like the first. I endured the ever so expected morning sickness, however was able to continue working 48 hours/wk. I had extra monetary incentive and with a baby on the way, a Mama has to do what a Mama has to do, to get that designer stroller and stuff you think you need. In the middle of the pregnancy, after viability has been confirmed, I tell my bestfriend "Something is wrong with him." "I don't know what, cleft palate, cleft lip, Down's, something." She was the only one I could confide my irrational thoughts because I had driven everyone insane after losing the baby before. I looked at him weekly with an ultrasound machine at work. I would study him, his heart, his vertebrae, his brain, legs, face, hands... I would look for characteristics of Down's, anything out of the oridinary. Nothing seemed to show. We went for a 3D/4D ultrasound and the technician combed over his body the best she could. Nothing SEEMED to be wrong.
Gideon comes into the world after a short but painful labor. I still think I should get my money back since my epidural didn't take and they didn't offer anything more... Nick changes all of the diapers the first 35 hours. HE'S NO ROOKIE! Around the 36 hour, I find an issue. The butt crack seems long and deep at the top. NURSE! GET YOUR A$$ IN HERE AND EXPLAIN WHY NOBODY MENTIONED THIS! My husband, doesn't understand my freakout session. All I can think is "meningocele." I am on the ceiling and NOBODY can bring me down. Abby calls the next day and I tell her that I was told he has a "Sacral dimple" and it's usually no big deal, but if it's tethered then there's reason to be concerned. UMMMMM, did I mention they can't tell it's tethered until they do an MRI under anesthesia? Abby asks, "Is this IT?" I know what she is asking, and my answer is, "No. I am afraid, not."
I see slow development in smiling, but he does smile. He rolls on time. Then he just keeps rolling, 12 months and this gigantic baby is rolling as transportation around the house. I know this isn't normal, well-intentioned people try to reassure me. At 15 months, physical therapists start working with him. (He is crawling at this point) He is tortured at first, he doesn't want to learn to walk, he wants to continue to play on his knees. I am asked what are you goals? I tell them that he needs to be walking by 22 months, as we are unexpectedly expecting another. They acted as if I was unreasonable with my goal making. They didn't know who they working with.
As I get bigger, I struggle to "pt" (physical therapy) Gideon. I did it though. Being pregnant with Gunnar was fun. I was thrilled to have another surprise, but worried about Gid. Would he get shoved aside when the baby came? What would happen to his therapy, could I keep up? What do people do? I had to come to grips that everything will be okay, it won't be anybody else's way but my own.
Gunnar is born! The biggest of our babies yet! He was already chunky at birth. When I would nurse him, Gideon would climb on the counter, turn on the water and flood the kitchen. He was so fast! I had to learn to put him on lockdown in his room with two baby gates stacked, that way he couldn't climb over it. The little smarty learned that if he laid on the floor and kicked he could kick it out eventually or pull on it and it would come out. Thankfully, he also learned that flooding the kitchen did not earn brownie points. I kept thinking, he should be talking, if he was talking he could say the cute thingsu kids say about little siblings like "Send him back." He didn't though. He would just stare at me, or through me. I wasn't sure. When airplanes flew over he would cover his ears and screech like hell. He had a speech therapist and I asked her if she thought he had Autism. She answered, "I don't know." Code for-I am no Dr. but my opinion is yes. I call Abby, and say, "I found IT. I know what IT is." I tell her and she responds, "How do you know?" "Because, I just know."
The 3 year old check up didn't go well. Gideon was everywhere except where he was supposed to be. He was screeching and flapping his arms (I hadn't noticed it before.) The pediatrician says, "Call your school system he needs tested, he is acting Autistic." I called a friend from work, who is working to cure her son's Autism. She gave me the single most valuable advice: "Cry today, cry for him not being normal. Cry because you are scared. He isn't dead, so tomorrow, get up and do what needs to be done for Gideon."
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