Father's Day, makes me proud of the men closest to me... My Dad, Husband and Brother
My Dad, the meanie that made me learn how to change a tire and my car's oil on my first car, before enjoying the freedom of driving. I remember him telling me, about my car, "this is a machine, not a toy, you can kill someone." Taking the time out of his busy life to talk to me about hard work, savings, insurance and retirement. He's been there through all my hiccups in life, sometimes not saying much but being present. All the times I have been in the hospital, he's been there. Before work, after work, asking questions and being the calm amongst my storm. He's got the calming effect on me, I hope to be this for my boys. He was soccer coach, softball coach, advisor, and still answers when I call him about repairs around the house, my car or kid advice. It's funny to see him with my kids, so different as a grandparent. His eyes light up when they're in the room. He laughs, almost constantly. He talks to each of them, to understand them. He comes to their birthday parties, school events, fundraising for Autism, and recreational sports. If I had to say one word to describe my Dad, it would be PRESENT. He was present in the past, present, and I know I can count on him in the future.
I can't express in words how much Dad means to me. I hope I make him proud, and can be the parent he was to me. I love you Dad!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Painful to watch
It's painful to see when Gideon tries to "fit in" and be part of the group how he says things inappropriate. Or, someone tries to tease him and he doesn't understand the joke and overeacts. Then the adults of the group get on to him, give him strange looks and ultimately ignore him. It's painful because I can't help but wonder if this is what his future holds? A future of correction, re-direction and being pushed to side because he isn't capable of being 'normal' in conversation or social situations.
I don't know what to do to make this better. I have tried to educate the family and my friends. It's just hard when the people we see daily that aren't family treat him better than his own family. Our neighbors are more understanding than his aunts and uncles and some of his grandparents. Part of me wants to stay away from these situations. To shelter him from being excluded, to shelter him from feeling inadequate, to shelter him from the pain I feel for him.
I am disappointed tonight, I feel as if my efforts don't do much for his sake and frankly, I am tired of trying. Now I understand why people I have befriended in the Autism community have distanced themselves from family functions. I thought I would never feel the way they do, I was wrong.
It comes down to this, if you can't level with Gideon, then I don't want you around him. He is unable to level with you, he has different abilities, different needs. He is not oblivious to your expressions, he is not deaf, blind or unable to feel. He is simply unable to communicate verbally his emotions and he is hypersensitive to sounds and lights. He is not disabled, he is differently abled. For thiu s reason I say this: If you can't be here for him now, then you aren't welcome when he develops into someone who changes the world. We don't need your approval now, and we won't want you then.
If when you are reading this, you question if this is about you, it probably is. I am begging for you to TRY to act like you love him unconditionally like you say you do and treat him like you actually care about what he is interested in. Ask him his favorite colors, teacher's name, if he goes to school and where, does he ride the bus and so on. Because I am telling everyone, I am seriously getting to the point that I am perfectly okay with only being around the people I care to, the ones that TRY to understand and that do include him.
I don't know what to do to make this better. I have tried to educate the family and my friends. It's just hard when the people we see daily that aren't family treat him better than his own family. Our neighbors are more understanding than his aunts and uncles and some of his grandparents. Part of me wants to stay away from these situations. To shelter him from being excluded, to shelter him from feeling inadequate, to shelter him from the pain I feel for him.
I am disappointed tonight, I feel as if my efforts don't do much for his sake and frankly, I am tired of trying. Now I understand why people I have befriended in the Autism community have distanced themselves from family functions. I thought I would never feel the way they do, I was wrong.
It comes down to this, if you can't level with Gideon, then I don't want you around him. He is unable to level with you, he has different abilities, different needs. He is not oblivious to your expressions, he is not deaf, blind or unable to feel. He is simply unable to communicate verbally his emotions and he is hypersensitive to sounds and lights. He is not disabled, he is differently abled. For thiu s reason I say this: If you can't be here for him now, then you aren't welcome when he develops into someone who changes the world. We don't need your approval now, and we won't want you then.
If when you are reading this, you question if this is about you, it probably is. I am begging for you to TRY to act like you love him unconditionally like you say you do and treat him like you actually care about what he is interested in. Ask him his favorite colors, teacher's name, if he goes to school and where, does he ride the bus and so on. Because I am telling everyone, I am seriously getting to the point that I am perfectly okay with only being around the people I care to, the ones that TRY to understand and that do include him.
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