As I watched the Congressional hearings about the rise of Autism and our advocates holding legislators to the fire and trying to make them see the epidemic, I had mixed emotions. It was like watching a sports game on TV, the difference being that this affects my life. My family's life. My children and most importantly, my Gideon. Dan Burton made the comment 'these people (autists) are going to be around for 60-70 years, they aren't just going to be a burden on their families but on society.' At that point, I had to walk away. I couldn't watch anymore. He called my blessing, the baby I prayed for months to conceive, the big guy with a bigger heart, the most sensitive and compassionate person in my family of 5, a burden?
I will be the first to say that he is unique in his needs. Sometimes he can't talk, he makes noises that hurts your ears, he flaps, he runs, he's big and heavy and requires me to carry him to the bus, but he's still my baby. Bigger than me is a God that blessed me with Gideon. He entrusted me with this person, and I will always search for the key to unlock his greatest potential! I have studied Gideon from birth. Learning baby language so he was always fed, changed, & comfortable with little to no crying. I started signing to him at 3 months old and he argued with me at the age of 6 months about nursing in public using sign language (my mom can speak to that). I believe Gideon is going to do something that will make him stand out above his peers. His compassion is like no one else's. He is very literal, which can be funny to us neuro-typicals. He has learned how to joke a little, and he is getting more social. This hasn't been easy for him. It hasn't been easy for me or our family. Is life ever easy? Like the baby language, and sign language, I have made it my mission to learn how Gideon sees the world. How he perceives it and to translate it for him and to him. Then translate to the world what he is trying to say & do. I won't be here forever so the therapies he receives are crucial to his development.
Gideon has begun playing team sports like soccer and basketball. He isn't very coordinated (he's 5, weighs 60 lbs and I am unsure of how tall but wears size 7 clothes). We don't expect him to be an olympic athelete, go to college on a scholarship or even want to play when he gets older. We do this to expose him to social situations, with other people and children. I didn't tell the soccer coach he has Autism, because he acted like the other 4 year olds. I had to tell the basketball coach, because I noticed the coach wanting eye contact and even getting annoyed when Gideon wouldn't appear to be paying attention. I don't fault the coach, this was MY teachable moment. I got to tell the coach that although Gid doesn't look at you, he's listening because he wants your approval. I told the coach that's the reason Nick or I go onto the court during practice and speak directly into his ear (no eye contact) because we want him to see what he needs to and we know he is listening. The coach has changed the way he communicates with Gideon and both seem to be at more ease.
We want him to learn experiences first hand and to not have to attend a special class for these teachable moments with his peers. It's uncomfortable at times and embarrassing, but we try to laugh off what we can and apologize for what we can't. We are so proud of his progress, and he still has a way to go. Academically, he is very smart and learns very quickly. He is so sweet and wants to please adults. When he is stressed, he stops making eye contact. Being his Mom, I can tell when he is stressed before talking to him. It's these times that I worry about the future. His little brain creeps back into a shell. He won't talk, he won't do much beyond his needs (bathroom, drink, eat). I worry that as he grows about these times. I worry that he won't be able to self soothe and have a melt down. At this point, Gavin and I are the only ones that can soothe him within a couple hours. Gavin only being 11, knows to decrease stimuli, and hug him tight, whispering and sometimes singing. Rub his head, pat his back and let him decide when to let go.
I don't feel like Gideon is a burden, he's my son, my gift, he's part of me. I am working very hard to ensure that he will be able to drive, live independantly, keep a job, and be a productive citizen. For him to be referenced as a burden, I can't do anything but shake my head. I know Mr. Burton used the wrong words, he's human, I can see his intent and I forgive him. My blessing needs a different kind of attention than other people's but it's not a burden.
