Happy 5th Birthday Gideon

When I think about the path that I traveled to be blessed with Gideon, it is bitter sweet.  I remember being so depressed about losing a baby.  I was so upset and friends tried to console me by telling me about their experiences and how they were able to get pregnant before their next cycle, shortening their grief time tremendously.
This didn't happen for me.  I became so fixated on getting pregnant, because I wanted the pain to go away.  I felt like no one could relate to my pain and everywhere I looked I saw pregnant people.  I tried to be happy for them, I really tried.  Speaking silent prayers that they wouldn't go through what I had, and trying very hard to smile.  I knew I was being selfish, but I didn't know how else to feel.  I talked to my great friend Amy.  She and I had so many things in common, unfortunately, she too had experienced this type of loss.  She kept telling me that in God's time, we would get our blessing.
Before an accupuncture appointment, I took a pregnancy test.  I remember starting the test and jumping in the shower.  When I got out, I was stunned!  Two pink lines!  I asked Nick to verify what I was seeing, we were ecstatic!  Our very supportive Moms came to the first ultrasound to check viability of the pregnancy.  To everyone's relief, we had a growing baby.  With many prayers, Gideon Rush came into this world, very active.  He was the best baby, nursed then slept for 4 hours... He is still a great napper and cuddler.
Despite all the hardwork to get him caught up developmentally, he has taught me so much.  He has taught me to look at things from a different perspective.  To pay attention to what I say,  because so many things we say, we don't mean literally.  He has taught me to never under estimate him or his potential.  Sometimes it's hard being his Mom, because I want to protect his feelings.  I don't want him teased or picked on.  What I am learning from this is that he has to learn some of this on his own and not to assume that what offends me, offends him.  I can't shield him from everything, because he has to learn how to motivate himself.  He has to learn what to walk away from, and when something is worth fighting for, and most important, how to forgive.  I know with proper modeling he will learn all of these things.  I believe wholeheartedly that he is going to do things that I can't even imagine and be the change that we all want in the world.
I am so lucky to have Gideon and although my heart was broken, I had to endure the pain to appreciate what I have.  God's timing and blessing is/was so perfect.  So, to my Gid, I love you more than you know and I will always be here when you need me.