We went to Gideon's parent-teacher conference last week. There is no doubt that his special ed teacher loves him. She smiled everytime she said his name, her eyes twinkled when she talked about being so impressed that he is having intelligble conversations with her and the aides, she was excited for him that he is playing soccer and talks about doing things with his Daddy. All of these I look for, all of these I pray for in a person who is responsible for the few people that I cherish more than myself. As we talked about his gains, there was a looming 'what's coming?' feeling in my gut.
About 15 minutes in, it came... Previously, the expectation was that Gideon would catch up to his peers in language and other areas of development and be in 'normal' classes after. Now, his teacher is recommending that he go to regular kindergarten, have an IEP written for occupational therapy needs, continued speech therapy to work on processing language and go the resource room for a time every day. She doesn't feel that he needs a paraprofessional, but that he does need a regular 'break' from the usual atmosphere.
I am glad that Gideon has people in his life that are able to help him get the most out of his days at school. However, I am sad that he is still behind his peers. I have people trying to tell me to cheer up and be grateful for what I have. I feel like I am, I feel like the majority of the time I am strong and I fulfill my obligation to be parent, educator, cheerleader of my kids. For now, I think I just need some time. I need some time to process MY feelings, grieve MY loss in expectations, and search for MY path to move forward.
So, if you have advice to give. Please save it. We can talk another time. I don't need reaffirmation either. I just need to get back to life in a regular routine and deal in the best way I know how.
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